How to Stop Your Spouse From Spending Money (Legally)
So, your spouse's spending habits have you feeling like you're losing control, and you're considering legal options to rein it in. You're not alone—money issues rank as the top source of conflicts in relationships. But before diving into legal territory, let's go through some other options.
Before I answer the question, I’m going to use an analogy, so do me a favor and stick with me.
Let’s go back in time to when we were cavemen and cavewomen.
Back then, we let our instincts be our guides. That was the monkey side of our brain.
When we came across a fig tree and we were hungry, we would eat until we were full.
Why?
Because if we didn’t, someone else would, and we might not eat again. It was survival!
Fast forward to today, we don’t have to rely on our monkey brain as much, and our rational brain has evolved.
But, our monkey brain is older, which means that in moments of stress, it is going to beat the rational brain to the decision.
Why am I talking about cavemen and monkeys?
Because this explains why people make bad spending choices.
Rationally, we know that we should save more and spend less. But emotionally, we are our inner cavemen and cavewomen, so when we experience stressful emotions, our impulse for instant gratification - whether it be a sweet treat, takeout for convenience, or a new pair of shoes - is our monkey brain taking over.
So back to the spouse who is spending and it feels out of control.
There is likely a deeper issue going on here. Before you go an extreme route, it’s important to have a money talk.
Take a step back and ask:
Are there patterns for when my partner is spending? Is it when they are tired, stressed, hungry, impatient, depressed?
What could be causing these distressful feelings?
The point is, the way to stop the spending is to address the emotional driver that is causing them.
Now, it probably isn’t going to be as simple as that. But building awareness of the problem - and naming the issue to your partner - is the first, and often the hardest, step.
From there, you can put a plan together on how to address the issue. This could look like setting a budget or spending limit on certain things, adjusting what cards and accounts you use to spend with, or even seeking outside support from a money coach or therapist.
If after you’ve spoken with your partner, created plans, and sought help and there is still an issue with spending, you may be left with the legal route. Your options will depend on your financial situation, as well as any pre- or post-nuptial agreements you and your partner have signed.
We’d recommend seeking out a family attorney before taking any action to ensure the steps you are taking are legal and fair, but this really should be the last step, because these actions could severely impact your relationship.
Want to learn more about how to have the “money talk”? Check out our article on the SAFE method, which gives you a step-by-step guide on having this conversation.
If you’d like help broaching this conversion with our partner (or if you’d like them to speak to an expert), book a session with one of our Habit Money Coaches.
